after the storm

That was a week that wore out its welcome by Wednesday, and then it had the nerve to hang out a little longer.

A work challenge that added a few more gray hairs. Frustration by a new personal project that revealed how few skills I actually have, though one of the reasons I took on the project was to develop these skills. We worked on our Living Trust. Our lawyer asked questions that made my head hurt. “If all four of you went down in a plane, where will your money go?”  I underestimated the impact of a two-hour meeting discussing one’s impending death without snacks nearby. My car was in the shop.

And then it rained. Which was good, but messy.

On the drive home Wednesday night, my slight headache turned into a migraine. The lights were so BRIGHT, NPR on the radio was so LOUD! I stumbled into the house, puked, found my pajamas and crawled into bed at 6:00 pm. I was convinced I had a brain tumor, and in between whelps I rethought every decision I made the hour before (yes, of course, if Steve has a new wife, because of course he will, since he is a catch, let her have all of my money, because anyone who makes him happy, makes me happy, and even if his new wife has six children, let’s be generous).

I woke up at 10:00 pm, had some tea, and watched Survivor, Modern Family and Top Chef without commercials. Not so bad. I went back to sleep until 6:00 am, and felt great. I mean, really, really great.

And grateful. And happy. And even energetic.

I had an email waiting for me that solved my client problem, and might be a better solution than the one I originally sought. I appreciated the sunrise. On our drive into work I told Steve I felt lucky last night that I had a toilet, a bed, and clean water. And I knew that if I did have a brain tumor, I had health insurance. And if I had the flu, I could stay home from work. But I didn’t…I just had a storm brewing, inside my own  head.

I loved driving over the causeway, watching the fields, the birds, the clouds. Everything was clear and textured, and breathtaking. At work I signed up for a TedX Women’s conference, I surprised myself by enjoying writing a technical piece. I had a great conversation with an old friend who had come to Steve’s show, but also offered to help me with some of the skill development I needed. I cleaned out a few files, took care of a few extra items on my list, made a few decisions that will help me move forward. I felt excited and enthusiastic and downright cheerful. I picked up my car, and for the first time in over a year, have illumination behind the music and temperature display (that wasn’t why the car was in, that was just my bonus gift).

I don’t know what changed. But suspect it might be that breathtaking moment after the storm.

Happy Friday. I’m working from home, reclaiming my craft room and turning it into a writing retreat and buying woodburning tools! Yup, woodburning. Heh! See you on the flip side.

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