I don’t really know anything about Jon and Kate. I don’t think I ever watched the show. I have seen the US magazine covers though. And because my love of reality tv knows no shame, I tuned in last night, just so I could pass judgment on their hair.
I lasted maybe two minutes. While I adore a good awkward moment as much as the next gal (show up with a fake hidden immunity idol at tribal council on Survivor and I am all over it), I just couldn’t do it.
Yes, their hair is horrible. On both of them. But this is what I really think:
Love can be hard and requires work and sacrifice. It requires forgiveness, not only of the other person, but of yourself, for all of the stupid sh*#t things you have said and done. It’s not flashy, and it’s not magic every day.
It’s making coffee for the other person, or doing the dishes, or buying them beets and picking up the dog poop so the other person won’t step in it (literally and figuratively). It’s saying good morning and how are you feeling, and thank you. And yes, it means saying I’m sorry. Even when you are pretty sure you’re right. Especially then.
My friend Amy once told me, “I knew marriage would be peaks and valleys, I just didn’t anticipate long, big valleys.”
Yup, there are valleys. Some of them are long.
Around our twentieth anniversary Steve was reading a book by Scott Peck about life and golf, and Peck wrote that marriage didn’t really begin until year twenty. That’s when you stop trying to change the other person and truly accept them for who they are.
I think he was right.
When Steve’s mom was having surgery to remove a cancerous spot on her lung, he took a walk with his dad to pass the time. His dad said, “Let me tell you about the second twenty-five years of marriage.”
That statement still takes my breath away.
Jon and Kate, your fifteen minutes will be over soon (after you have become a Saturday Night Live skit). I think you missed what makes a life rich. And you both have fake hair.
Me, I am going to be on the lookout for two rocking chairs. Because that’s where I want to be. Working on the simple gifts of marriage. Gray hair and all.